This is it. The part that I realized just how different things are. (As if preschool lessons, virtual IEP meetings, and not leaving the house for the past 25 days wasn’t enough).
I choked up watching her take her ballet class over an app. Right there, everything felt so abnormal.
Balance, normalcy
(What even is normalcy, by the way?) This is something that we seek, strive for even in non-pandemic times. When we are in a good routine it’s comforting, it gives us a false sense of control. But our everyday routine, or idea of balance can be completely thrown off by something as little as a sleepless night with a baby or a long weekend; Let alone a global pandemic.
The truth is, I’m big on balance but I’ve only recently actually figured out what it is.
When I think of how we as moms have to balance all of the demands of life, I think of the circus act with all the spinning plates. But the thing about balance is it’s not actually about routine, nor does it have anything to do with control.
It’s about not being rigid.
It’s about adapting.
Adjusting.
Pivoting around life.
Right now, it’s about sitting in the extreme ebb and flow of emotions and day to day practices we have and living in that rhythm. Whatever rhythm that is that allows space for what we are personally needing to work through. Which for a lot of us is grief.
The best definition I’ve heard for grief is this “Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of, or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.”
Aren’t we all experiencing this in some way? If you need to grieve, grieve. Take the time that you need. Reach out. Just know that grief isn’t a steady state of being. That within life’s rhythms grief is momentary. That although we don’t have a set end to this time, His promises and a life to live are right here waiting for us.
While our plans have all pressed pause, our lives don’t have to.. and while we we may not feel joy all day, we need to find joy every day as part of our rhythm. The rhythm of both time to process + time to be present, of learning + resting, of fear + faith, of desperation + hope, of grief+ joy. Joy as we wait in rhythmic hope.